Handling Emotional Threats
Matthew 26:69-75 and Acts 11:1-4
May 18, 2025
When they point their finger at us, how do we respond?
Of course, this can happen in either obvious or more subtle ways. They can actually point a finger at us and express their emotions in a strongly worded accusation. Or they can just leave strong hints that are intended to hit their target without making themselves look bad.
How do we navigate these emotional threats?
It is often related to how we dealt with emotional threats when we were children.
I know for me; I experienced a lot of threats from my mom as a young child. Sometimes they were expressed in a loud, angry tone: Michael James….
But other times it was just a look she gave me.
Sometimes, I sensed her anger, disappointment and shame as she got upset at my younger brother Mark. He was always getting into some type of trouble, and it seemed my mom was always yelling at him. Even though it was not directed at me, I could feel her wrath.
I responded by running away and hiding in my room. I did my best to try to avoid my mom, especially when she was on the warpath. I navigated emotional threats by running away and hiding.
This approach was something I carried into young adulthood. I remember a time during my first ministry job as an Associate Pastor at a large church near Kansas City, Missouri. I was just 23 years old.
The Senior Pastor named Denis and I would meet every week for an hour or so in his office on Monday morning. The first year I received a lot of encouragement and affirmation from Denis.
But during my second year, there was one situation regarding the parents of a youth that I thought I handled well. But Denis didn’t think so. And he told me so. He was critical and upset with me. I was quite sensitive at the time and responded by clamming up. It was about that time that Denis had a car accident and was out of work for the next few weeks.
After he returned to work, I found some way to avoid those Monday morning meetings – week after week. It was like I was running away and hiding in my room. I never engaged in much of any dialogue with Denis for the next four months as I completed my time there.
Looking back, I could clearly see that that was not a healthy response to having someone point a finger in my direction in anger, disappointment or shame.
In our first scripture today, there is finger pointing at Peter. It is a difficult and sensitive time for Peter. Jesus has just been arrested. Peter’s friends have all run away in fear. Peter is sitting in the courtyard right outside the place where they are keeping Jesus. The Jewish chief priests and council have just said this about Jesus: “He is guilty and deserves to die.”
A servant girl comes up to Peter, points her finger right in his face saying, “You were with Jesus from Galilee.”
In front of everyone, Peter says, “That isn’t so. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
A few minutes later, another servant girl points her finger at Peter, “This man was with Jesus from Nazareth.”
Again, Peter denies it saying, “I don’t even know that man.”
A little while later, some people standing there walk over to Peter, point their finger in his face and say, “We know that you are one of them. We can tell it because you talk like someone from Galilee.”
Peter curses and swears saying, “I don’t know that man.”
Peter leaves there with tears in his eyes knowing that he responded poorly to those fingers pointing at him.
How do we handle the emotional threats of another person? What do we do with the anger, disappointment and shame that someone directs our way?
When they point their finger at us, how do we respond?
A few months ago, Sven Erickson recommended the book: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. As I read this book, I found much wisdom within its pages.
Her main thesis is this: When we’re tempted to let others control us, we simply say: Let them. Let them have their opinions.
This Let Them theory can free us. We can be free from the opinions, drama and judgment of others.
This is what Mel Robbins says, “I had no idea how big a problem this was for me, and neither do you. From navigating guilt trips, to fearing disappointment, to worrying about someone’s reaction or if “now is the right time”, to tiptoeing around someone’s mood, you’re allowing other people’s behaviors and reactions to drain your energy.
But it goes deeper than that. Their passive-aggressive behavior, guilt trips, and emotional outbursts are driving your decisions. This is why you say yes when you really want to say no. You cave when you should stand firm. This is why it’s hard for you to set boundaries. This is why you walk on eggshells when certain people are in a bad mood.
Sure it feels easier in the moment to give in to that other person’s guilt trip, but, in the long run, you lose a critical piece of yourself….
You will always come last, if you let other people’s emotional immaturity have power over you. Instead of taking on the weight of someone’s disappointment, anger or guilt, you learn a liberating new approach. Just “let them” react.
When you say, “Let them” you give other people the space to feel their emotions without needing to fix them. Then you say, “Let Me” and do what’s right, even if it upsets someone, which is how you take responsibility for your own life.”
Peter’s response to the emotional finger pointing of the people in the courtyard was to let them intimidate him into lying and denying. A few years later, he dealt with a difficult situation in a completely different way.
Peter had just had an amazing experience in which he learned that God welcomed and affirmed non-Jewish people. It was a dramatic change from the way the followers of Jesus Christ initially related to non-Jewish gentiles.
Peter travelled to the headquarters of the movement – to Jerusalem – to share his new-found insights. There he came across strong opposition to his message. Many people pointed their fingers in his face saying, “You stayed in the homes of Gentiles and you even ate with them.”
Instead of allowing them to intimidate him, Peter said in a sense: “Let them.” You can have your opinions about non-Jewish Gentiles, but let me tell you the story of what happened to me and what I’ve come to believe.
He told the story of his vision of God encouraging him to fellowship with Gentiles. Then he talked about meeting the gentile Cornelius and his family and having the Holy Spirit come upon everyone gathered.
Peter said, “God gave those Gentiles the same gift that he gave us when we put our faith in Jesus Christ. So how could I have gone against God?”
Because Peter did not allow himself to be intimidated by the finger pointing and emotional threats, he was able to convince the leaders of Jerusalem to open their doors to non-Jewish gentiles. They stopped arguing and started praising God. They said, “God has now let Gentiles turn to God. God has given life to them.”
Peter navigated the emotional threats and finger pointing using “Let them” and then speaking his truth.
The ministry has given me many opportunities over the years to utilize this “Let them” theory in handling emotional threats.
I remember one story that happened about a year after that bad experience with my senior pastor Denis. I was now the Associate Pastor at a large church in Hammond, Indiana. My main responsibility was once again the youth of the church. It was my first fall there. Five of the parents of the youth were starting to help me lead the group.
One of the parents, Linda, kept yelling and screaming at the kids. It’s like the youth couldn’t do anything good enough to please her. Linda was always disciplining some kid for doing something.
Soon the youth started complaining to me about her heavy-handed behavior. Then the four other parents who were helping came to me. They said, “Mike, we’d love to help you lead this youth group. But… we are not going to help at all if Linda is involved as a leader. She is not good for the kids.”
Instead of running away from the problem, I knew I needed to face this head on and have a conversation with Linda. When we got together, I suggested to her that she seemed a bit overwhelmed and needed a break for a bit in leading the youth. She strongly objected and quickly got mad at me. The next thing I know Linda stormed out of my office. A few minutes later she stepped back into the office to throw her church keys at me.
The following Sunday night during youth group, her husband who was a physically large man showed up. He confronted me for making her wife so angry and threatened me.
You talk about finger pointing and emotional threats and even some physical threats. I was scared to death, but I knew I had to just Let them have their emotional response. I didn’t back down or allow them to intimidate me. I stayed strong.
We ended up having an amazing youth program with those four other parents working with me for the next half a dozen years.
As Mel Robbins says, “Never let someone else’s emotional reactions keep you from making the hard decisions.”
How do we handle the emotional threats of another person? What do we do with the anger, disappointment and shame that someone directs our way?
When they point their finger at us, how do we respond?
I invite you to consider saying: Let them. Let them have the space to experience their own emotions. Then find the courage to make the right decisions, even if it will feel wrong to others.
Continue to act in a way that aligns with your values regardless of whether it makes someone else upset.
What are the two words that Mel Robbins is encouraging us to practice:
Let them
God help us let them.
