Let Them
Mark 3: 20-35 May 11, 2025 (Mother’s Day)
It’s Mother’s Day. It’s a great day to look more closely at Jesus’ mother.
For many months we were looking at Jesus from the perspective of the John Community in Ephesus. Our Scripture reading today comes from an earlier account of Jesus’ life – the gospel of Mark. In this book, there is only one reference to the mother of Jesus. And this passage is it. In other words, the only thing that the gospel of Mark says about Mary is the following:
“When Jesus’ family heard what he was doing, they thought he was crazy and went to get him under control”… “Jesus mother and brothers came and stood outside. Then they sent someone with a message for him to come out to them. The crowd that was sitting around Jesus told him, “Your mother and your brothers and sisters are outside and want to see you.”
Can you imagine what Mary must be feeling right now? This is what she might say if you asked her…
“I am so worried about my son. Did you see the crowds around him? The Roman authorities are not going to ignore anyone with a following like that. I’m afraid he’ll end up like one of those radical Zealot leaders – dead before he turns forty.
And what is he teaching? It’s not what I taught him. I made sure he knew and followed every detail of our Jewish law as it related to the Sabbath. I hear he’s ignoring some of those laws and working on the Sabbath, picking grain in the fields.
This is not the son I raised. He must be going crazy.
I’ve got to do something to get that son of mine under control. I’m his mother. I know what’s best for him. I’m going to tell him exactly how he needs to change…if I can ever get his attention. He’s been avoiding me lately.”
Mary’s motherly worry reminded me of a time in our lives when we were worried about our daughter Sarah. Sarah was 16 years old at the time and a junior in high school. It’s that time when kids think about what college they will attend after they graduate.
We were worried about Sarah because she was fixated on just one college – Wheaton College near Chicago. It’s a strongly evangelical college. This is what I told Sarah at the time:
“Sarah, I don’t know if you’re LGBTQ or not. But if you are, this is not the school for you to go to. They have rules that don’t allow gay or lesbian kids to attend. They could make life very hard for you or kick you out of school, simply because of your sexual orientation. I’d hope you’d consider a different school.”
As Sarah’s mother and father, we were concerned about Sarah going to a school where she would experience rejection. We didn’t want to see her get hurt.
On this Mother’s Day, I’d like for us to ponder what we are to do with the worries we have for our children. I’m sure we all still have concerns even though most of our children are adults now. How do we handle those worries?
A few months ago, I noticed that Sven Erickson, Kay and Ilse’s son, was encouraging everyone to read a book entitled: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. I like reading and learning, so I bought the book.
The ideas in the book are not new, but she puts them together in some simple ways that make a lot of sense.
Her main thesis is this: When we’re tempted to let others control us, we simply say: Let them. Let them have their opinions. When we’re tempted to control others, what do we say?
Let them.
Let them do what they choose to do. In other words, we let go and let them.
This Let Them theory can free us. We can be free from the opinions, drama and judgment of others. We can be free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around us.
This is what Mel Robbins says: “When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions or mood…The more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel or think what they think, the better your relationships will be.”
This is how Mel describes the change in her life after she started practicing Let Them.
“I started saying Let Them anytime I felt stressed, tense or frustrated…
Let my son be mad at me for not letting him stay out later.
Let Grandma complain about the news.
Let my relatives be judgmental of my career.
Let my mother in law disagree with my parenting.
Two simple words: Let them, changed everything. It was as if I didn’t care and was weirdly above it all. The things that used to bother me just didn’t. The people who used to annoy me didn’t. …The more I said Let Them the more I realized that a lot of what I worried about wasn’t worth my time. It was liberating.”
It’s all about resisting control by others and letting go of our desire to control. This is all for the purpose of recognizing what’s in our control and what isn’t. We become aware of our locus of control and focus our attention on that. Everything and everyone else we simply say what? Let them.
Let’s return to the biblical story with the mother of Jesus and her worries for her son. Instead of choosing the path of “Let them”, Mary chose the path of control. She came to give Jesus a “talking to”. Jesus’ mother wanted to tell her son to straighten up and stop doing and saying the things he did. Mary thought Jesus was acting crazy and so she was going to give him a piece of her mind.
In response, Jesus chooses a different path. He does not choose the path of control or intimidation, but he chooses the path of “Let them”. Instead of feeling intimidated by his mom… Instead of letting his mom control how he was going to do ministry… Instead of trying to please his mom…
Instead of that, Jesus chooses “Let them”. He allows her to have her opinions and feelings, but he isn’t going to be influenced by them. He chooses not to even listen to her in person. He knows what she’s going to say. It’s not going to make a difference.
So, Jesus says instead, “My real family are these people around me, these followers of God.” These are the people I need to be focused on right now. I’m called to attend to my spiritual family, not my biological family.
He also chooses the path of Let Them when it comes to the religious leaders. They accused Jesus of working for the Devil. But Jesus doesn’t let them intimidate him or stop him. He challenges their words with strong words of his own. He will let them have their opinions and feelings, but he will not change his ministry for them.
Back to our story about our high school age daughter Sarah looking for a college. We tried at first to exert control by telling her she had to visit at least two other colleges besides Wheaton. She complied by visiting the University of Chicago. Unfortunately, she spilled a full cup of hot chocolate on herself as we were waiting for the college tour to start. So that visit was cut short.
Then we made her visit Taylor University in Indiana with Lori. Unfortunately for us, when Lori and Sarah went to the chapel service at Taylor University, the speaker for chapel that day was none other than the College President… of Wheaton College. The guest speaker at the Taylor University was the president of the same Wheaton College that Sarah had been interested in. Sarah said, “I told you I am supposed to go to Wheaton.”
Sarah chose the Let Them path instead of allowing herself to be intimidated by our pressure. And eventually, we chose the same path and agreed she could go to Wheaton.
As it turned out, we were both right. Sarah did have a lot of challenges at Wheaton because of her sexual orientation. She didn’t get kicked out, but it was close.
On the other hand, Sarah’s first roommate at Wheaton was a girl by the name of Ali Engsberg. They quickly fell in love that first fall. Sarah and Ali stayed together and got married 8 years later. They are still together twenty years after that first meeting at Wheaton College of all places. Like she said, “I told you I’m supposed to go to Wheaton.”
What does Let Them mean for you and me right now?
Are you worried about what someone else is doing?
Instead of trying to control them, you can simply say:
(let them)
Are you feeling intimidated by the opinions or moods of someone else? Instead of feeling obligated to do what they want, you can simply say: (let them) Let them have their opinions.
A couple of months ago, my dad called me up. It’s the first time he’s called me in a few years. He wanted me to tell our daughter Sarah that she needs to change how she raises her children.
I told him, “Dad, we need to let them raise their kids how they want to raise them. We had our opportunities to make decisions about raising our own children. Now it is Sarah and Ali’s turn.”
I had to let my dad have his opinions and feelings, but I wasn’t going to respond by trying to control Sarah. I practiced let them with both my dad and with my daughter.
That’s what parents do. Especially parents of adult children.
What do we do? We simply …. (let them)
God help us. Amen.
